Patriotism, love, and consent.

I've been meaning to write a blog piece on the whole "Why can't you stand for 52s for your national anthem?" debate and had already written in-depth about consent (स्वेच्छा) but my friend, Kanishka beat me to it, quite literally taking the words from my mouth, and saying them better! So, instead of repeating the exact same thought, I thought I'd share my answer on Quora about a similar issue (forcing people to say BMKJ) written in April this year. Here it is:

“I love you, Baba”, my 2-year-old toddler would say in her cute lisp whenever she really felt it. She’d also come running to me and hug me. She’d want to speak to me over the phone if I was out. She’d want me to change her and bathe her and play with her.

In the past year, as she’s grown up, she’s started to say, “I love you, Baba” less and less, hugging me only occasionally, and wants her mum to play with more than me nowadays.

I have been thinking, “How can I instil love for me in my child? After all, I do so much for her. I will always be there to protect her. I will make heaven and earth move to pay for the best education, the best clothes, the best security, the best of everything I can find for her. I will remain her constant and lifelong supporter through thick and thin. I will always be on her side. But for this, she must love me.”

So, I have decided that before every meal, she should come to me, hug me, and say, “I love you, Baba.” If she doesn’t do it, I will accuse her of not loving me. If she still does not love me, I will not allow her to eat. Let her starve. At least she’ll learn. If she still does not love me, I shall beat her and lock her up in a room. That will teach her a lesson to love me. After, all, I just want to do what’s good for her.

But here’s the funny part: When I explained the new rules to her, not only has she actually reduced the instances of saying, “I love you, Baba”, but also my own wife, for whom I work so hard and whose care I consider amongst my highest duties, has also refused to say, “I love you.”

What have I done wrong? Is there any reason to oppose saying the simple and noble, “I love you”? What is wrong with saying this to someone who does so much? Am I expecting too much? I am confused. Please help me understand exactly what is so offensive in saying, “I love you” that some people refuse to say it to the very people who deserve their love the most.