11 September, 2012

i want to marry a princess!

yes, that is what most boys will say when growing up (and most girls will want a prince charming). trouble is, they keep holding on to that when they 'grow up' too!
my dream lover?

but here is a small piece of advice, from a man who has had a checklist, had girlfriends, wooed women, been married, divorced, remarried, and happy: take a look at yourself, not just in the mirror, but also in the mind. take a look at your attitude to people, to your profession, to your hobbies, to your clothing, to your life in general, and to your approach to finding your soul-mate in particular...and ask yourself this question: are YOU a prince (or, princess, if you are a woman)?

why would someone who is a princess want to marry you? once you can look yourself in your eyes and in the deepest of your heart and answer this question honestly, i think you will change what you want from your future life partner, from your friends, from the society, from the community, from your profession, from the sport you play...from your life!
did you say you deserve a princess?

we all have checklists. we all try and tick off things we think we need, without realising that these are things we WANT. what we NEED might be totally different, and what we DESERVE and eventually GET (you will very very very rarely get more or less than you actually deserve) might be another thing altogether

a banker friend of mine asked me a simple question: why do you think a bank clerk matching your signature on the cheque with the one s/he has on record cannot do a better job at outing forgery than you yourself can when it comes to your own signature?
how do you see things?
the answer is beyond the obvious (we know our signatures best). it is because, and pay attention here, the clerk is looking for SIMILARITIES and we are looking for DIFFERENCES. we can catch one small wrong line or dot or squiggle since we are looking to spot where the forger has  screwed up, while the bank clerk is looking to spot the basic similarities to enable him/her to decide on whether the cheque is to be passed or bounced

why is this relevant to this topic? because, in real life, we do seem to apply the same rigour to our checklists. we keep looking at how the person FAILS on some of the items instead of how the person PASSES. we are more interested in rejection than acceptance. and we find words like 'perfectionist' to describe ourselves and say (attempting to sound casual), "i just haven't found the right person" without realising that if one keeps looking at the DIFFERENCES, one will never do so
is this how you see yourself?

and more importantly, one is looking at the wrong person to start with! you should be looking at YOURSELF first, and not the other. ok, let me explain. imagine you really really like someone, and she ticks all the check-boxes in your list. say, angelina jolie (for example's sake. you may substitute any name here you fancy). the correct approach would be to create HER checklist, even if a fantasy checklist, and see how many check-boxes you tick! once you try this experiment out, your own checklist will start to change, and you will create a checklist of your 'requirements' that, if some woman satisfies them all, you yourself would be ticking all her check-boxes
do you tick all the boxes on HER checklist?

it is simple. try it. you will not regret it. for all those who keep claiming they are unable to find their prince charming or their dream lover or princess or whoever, try it out. make a checklist of this dream lover, see if you fit into it, and then open your mouth...or resign yourself to staying single and alone all your life

and yes, this is assuming staying single is a bad thing, which most of us who say, "we are looking for a princess/prince charming" agree on

soul mates?
your dream lover is out there
if you are one of those people who think being single is better, this blog post is not for you. i could say you are wrong, and that i can assure you that being with the love of your life, waking up in her arms every morning and having someone to share your highest points, your lowest troughs, your tallest exhilarations and your deepest fears is a joy unparalleled

and only those who have experienced it can vouch for it. i have. i do!

but you don't have to trust me on this. look deep inside you, ask yourself, and if you can answer honestly, trust your own heart. all the best!

note: remember, when groucho marx said, "i refuse to join any club that would have me as member", HE WAS JOKING...make sure you see it as a joke and not a practical advice to your life!