14 December, 2011

the new meaning of indlish

"Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams" - Somerset Maugham...touché!

douglas adam's book, ‘the meaning of liff’, is a masterpiece, though most of the stuff is too topical and too brit-oriented to be as funny as it probably was once. i wanted an indian twist to it

i shall start with some words and define them in today’s context, and i invite you to add to the list:

  • INDLISH (n.): Indian English, not to be confused with Americanese or Englandish, which is a bastard tongue derived from hundreds of colonial languages mixed with Latin (?)

  • KKKIRAN (n.) One who is obsessed with SRK and his coterie of Karan Johar & Co

  • DUHFER (n.) One who responds with a ‘duh’ to portray a sense of superiority with sarcasm

  • BLOOK (n.) Reading material for lavatories

  • FACEBLOOKING (vb.) To update one’s profile while sitting on the pot

  • iSTUD (n.) An Apple show-off

  • WIRKING (vb.) To shirk work in a way that looks like working

  • SPEEKING (vb.) To take a quick look (a sneak peek) at one’s watch (for example, by pretending to brush off non-existing lint from one’s trousers) without the speaker noticing that you are bored and want to leave

  • SPUNNING (vb.) To create a pun intended to impart an unusual spin to the meaning of a word, thereby making the creator feel tickled at his own witticism

  • MARPLACTICE (n.) What a Chinese doctor can be accused of

  • BRIDGY, BRIDGIER, BRIDGIEST (adj.) What a windy day can be in Bengal

  • BREEZE (n.) A span covering two points across a Bengali river

  • RESONIATE (vb.) To go on about being a good soldier for the party and how ‘High Command’’s decisions are final since they come from ‘Madam’

  • CONGRASS (n.) What holy cows eat in Delhi

  • RETYRE (vb.) To put on weight after retirement

  • MALAISEMENT (n.) That part of the management one is not a part of and can therefore be conveniently blamed for the current problems in the organisation

  • PHANTOME (n.): A new author’s imagined masterpiece that s/he’d write and sell millions of copies

  • FANTOME: Tomes written by Fans, hoping to ride on another’s glory and be noticed (by Avi Das)

  • WHITEBORED (n.): The state of mind of an employee who has been in a staff meeting for the past 2 hours staring at meaningless presentations. Also see MALAISEMENT

  • IIMPRESS (vb.): The act of letting the listener know subtly (?) that one is an IIM alumnus

  • iCON (n.): The act of declaring oneself as a ‘rebel’ and then selling a closed system that forces the user to spend more and more money to use it

  • ANNACRONYSM (n.): What Team Anna and their fans are good at

  • ASSTUTE (adj.): What Kim Kardadshian is

  • ACUMEN (n.): The intuitive feeling or sixth sense of women about lechers

  • DUBYOUS (adj.): An overwhelming inclination to believe that God speaks to the President of the USA and asks him to go to war

  • PRESIDENTAL (adj.): Monica Lewinsky getting the complement “That’s the best set of teeth I have ever come across” from her President

  • MISOGYNAEC (n.): A Japanese doctor who hates women but loves soup

  • SALMANAC (n.): A calendar full of blockbuster hits

  • MAYALOMANIAC(n): someone with an ego big enough to spend millions on a monument to self (by Karthik Iyengar)

  • CLIPTOEMANIAC (n.): A compulsive filcher who only pinches nail cutters

  • PUNDITTY (adj.): Applied to people who keep playing with words to sound funnier

  • WOEMEN (n.): A group of wives cribbing about their husbands, boyfriends, health & reproductive problems, domestic help and diet

  • POLLYTICIANS (n.): A group in Delhi parroting lines given to them by 'High Command'

  • HANGUNDER (n.): The withdrawal symptoms felt due to lack of alcohol in one's bloodstream

  • CEREAL KILLER (n.): A person who murders a corn flake (by Nikhilesh Begur)

  • iTEMS (n.): Apsaras entertaining Steve Jobs in heaven

  • MASTER-BERRIER (n.) - A person who keeps fiddling with his black berry in the hope that it gets turned on! (by Anish Bhatia)

  • BLACKBURIED (vb.): What happens to a person using a 'normal' phone when his/her employer gives him/her a BlackBerry

  • DELHI BULLY (n.): An Indian Member of Parliament

  • FUNDAMENTALIST (n.): One who's funda's in life are mentally challenged (by Sunil Purushe)

  • RELIGION (n.): a sadly distorted evolution of regions and legions (by Sunil Purushe)

  • TWIRL-FRIEND (n.): A girl who's got you wrapped around her finger

  • ALCOHOLICS UNANIMOUS (n.): A volunteer group where, if you don't feel like having a drink some day, you can call up a volunteer to come & try to persuade you to drink (by Sunil Purushe)